Just. Run.

 I feel like running. Doesn't matter where, just away from here. This feeling in my stomach, what is it? Anxiety. It's  taking over my body. I want to run. Away. away from here. To a place where they can not find me. Where all my worries will be non existent. Where no one will look for me. Away, away from here. All this because of my own stupidity. If I wouldn't be such an idiot all the time I wouldn't be in this situation.

It feels as if my body is cannibalizing itself. A continues nagging in the pit of my stomach. It makes my body tremble in terror. I need to run, now. Away. I will just leave everything behind and run. One quick bathroom break and I'm gone. Gone forever, where no one will ever find me.
 

And run I did.

I had a mental derp down when I was checking my absence records. I panicked and might have suddenly thrown on a hat, scarf and gloves and made a mad dash for my bike. It was standing at the front, conveniently. My mom was really surprised why I wanted to go out at eight PM in the rain while I normally don't even leave the house during daytime. I plainly told her that I was just going for a ride. Why is it so hard to understand that I have no hidden motives as a seventeen year old on Friday night?

I took off in a random direction, not caring where I'd end up. The rain should have annoyed me, but it didn't. I actually thought it looked kind of beautiful, reflecting the light coming from buildings and street lights in a fancy manner. For a person who can't even do three push ups I was amazingly fast on wheels. That could have been the panick, though.

I went here and there, cycling through all the dark streets. I also went by the old water tower that's positioned within twenty Meters from my school. For some reason I always end up there if I go for late night bike adventures. I felt like the only thing that I could control in my life on that moment was when I wanted to go. That might sound a bit silly, but it was awfully reassuring.

This went on for about half an hour until I calmed down. I decided to go back home because my energy levels were reduced to nothing. When I stepped back into the living room my mom paused the movie she was watching with her friend Cora, who had stayed for dinner and stuff. She still didn't buy my innocent story. I wouldn't even believe my story, but sometimes I have my bright moments. In one of those bright moments I snapped a picture of the water tower to convince her of my crap story. Unfortunately my mom didn't know we had a water tower, but Cora explained the building to her.

I changed into my favorite evening attire and sipped tea from my favorite cup. I laid my cloths to dry around my room. I felt really tired that moment. Also a bit like I had been run over by a steamroller, but that could have been the fact that I couldn't feel my legs anymore due to the cold.

Why I was in such a panic? I woke up at one PM, and no, I didn't have the first five hours off. At least my mom didn't yell at me. I thought about going to Decor building, but decided against it. I felt tired, really tired. I hope this B12 shot starts working soon.

I have to work something, something I'm honestly not looking forward to right now. Maybe that is why they call it 'work'. I don't want to talk to people. I want to curl up in a ball and sleep.

I still have to send a mail to Merel with the three assignments I have to conjure up on overcoming my social awkwardness. I keep procrastinating it. I think Merel doesn't like me, or trust me. I just get a weird feeling when I talk to her, like something isn't right. Last session she practically laughed at me. Right in my face, when I tried to tell her my problems. I'm easily offended and can't take jokes very well. Maybe that's when I really started having issues with her.  

I read a few chapters from 'I Am Number Four' and a few chapters from a Doctor Who fan fiction I'm reading, and a few chapters from a Sherlock fan fiction I'm reading. Quite good reading material.  

Now is the moment I'm going to face plant on my pillow and hug it like it's my baby. It's a very nice pillow.  

Well, that was my day. How was yours?

- knetterzak