With a lot of catching up to do!
I would often get the most ingenious thoughts at the weirdest moments. Always on times that I can't write them down, due to social situations or lack of recourses. Often the first one; I always carry a pen and a notebook in my bag. Then I will often try to recall the deep shit I thought to seem all smart and poetical. Too bad my retarded brain won't recall anything during the late hours of the night with depressing music at the background, tearing my soul apart.
I always align my writing with justification and in big letters to trick myself into thinking I'm making more progress than I am. Big walls of text look more satisfying than tiny paragraphs with a handful of words.
A lot of stuff happened the past months. Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. Where did all the time go? I kept procrastinating, thinking I could write it tomorrow, or in a few hours. In the end I'm just so obvious.
Well, to sum everything - well everything I can remember up, I am not seeing a psychologist. She's a nice young lady by the name Merel. We've had a few talks, and she gave me something to do. I had to rate my mood every morning, afternoon, and evening with information on what I was doing at the exact moment. Up to now I have been fateful in doing this everyday for a couple of weeks now.
I have holidays now, and my boyfriend would come over if it wasn't for the fact that I friend zoned him. So that ship sank horribly. Christmas was nice, I guess. It wasn't super duper without gramps and grandma. My mom took it pretty hard; got totally wasted and started smoking again. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention: On November 30, my mom's birthday, she stopped smoking. That fort didn't hold for very long. It was the first Christmas without either of her parents, and it just didn't feel the same as it used to be. Like something in me died some time ago.
My mom gave me a water boiler for Christmas, for which I'm so grateful. It's all fancy designed stuff and it looks fab. It looks like an actual kettle, so amazing! I love it.
Today is Saturday, so I had to work today. We had an other new person called Wijke. I didn't get to actually talk to her though. Now I think of it she just kind of disappeared without me noticing anything. I can be so observant at times.
Yesterday was the birthday party of my friend Birgit, it was really fun. There were like 10 people, and I finally got to see her brother. He looks a lot like her, actually. We started with a few matches of bowling. For some reason I was pretty boss at it (hell yeah!), but I really felt my ring finger at some point. I had broken it because I'm retarded at catching basketballs, apparently. I think it never healed properly; it still hurts when I do certain things with it, which is exactly what I feared. No helping it now.
We have had Christmas at school, which totally sucked. I'm the only one who brought something and no one wanted it! I had baked bread at freaking six in the morning. I had to prepare the dough at four AM. Four AM, and the only person who wanted it were the teachers. Luckily Mr Lier, my mentor and English teacher, was a dear and practically attacked the loaf.
I pulled out the bread making machine to bake bread like Mr De Graaf, an economy teacher on my school, does every morning at 5 AM. That man has dedication to get up at 5 AM in the morning, every morning, to bake bread to eat it with chocolate sprinkles. So I got up at 5 AM and started on my dough. It had to rise for one and a half hour so in the time I could chuck it in the bread oven I had finished my Culture Studies assignment and studied some maths. I still failed that test, though.
The past few weeks have been so weird. No matter what I did, all I could do was obtaining bad marks. I even scored a 4.5 for English, I mean English. Like, what? So that was quite the bummer. It's like my brain just said "Fuck it, just f- fuck it" and went on holiday one week prior to the actual Christmas holidays. And then exactly in that week every teacher in the school decides to throw tests and exams in our faces.
My mom gave me grandma's microwave, which is fab. She had bought a very expensive oven, multi-combo-microwave-super-fancy-thingy to do fancy stuff like steaming veggies, but it had a system error so it derped. Luckily she get's a new one. It appeared to be a common error in that product that the product manufacturers derped up in the design.
Only a few more day to go until the new year, and man I'm just not feeling it right now. To be honest I am not feeling anything right now. The world is just passing me by as I sit on my arse in a glass box that nothing can penetrate.
The blood test results came back in ages ago. I have the vitamin D level of an Eskimo, which is super uber bad, super low magnesium levels, and a vitamin B12 insufficiency that would make your eyebrows go like "OooOoooh???". So yeah, not good. Now I have to take magnesium pills every day, vitamin B12 injections every week, and once a month a doses of vitamin D. I hate it. I hate all of it. The first time I had my vitamin B12 injection I didn't feel so well. I just had the home base thought again like I had when they took my blood samples. All these vitamins have one thing in common: They regulate stress levels, so if one would be low on that it would mean your body would be subjected to such high levels of stress. Vitamin B12 helps with red blood cell production, so if you are really low on that it can cause tiredness and depression. I just hope that these injections and pills can get me back to normal. Currently I'm almost 2 weeks late with my B12 injection, I'm just too much of a chicken to show up. Damn me.
I took up laundry as a stress relieve, to turn my mind off and just do something, anything. The main reason was to get my dark blue shirt back that goes so well with this cute white top that needs to go with a t-shirt. I finally dug up my treasure after 3 weeks of intensive washing. Everything is clean now, though, which is nice. I had to buy 10 extra cloth hangers, and I'm falling short on those again. I also bought a drying tower, and damn I love that thing. So much stuff can fit on there! Me and my laundry, Best Friends For Live.
I've been social, as in hanging out with friends. Two times in total, hell yeah. One time with my friend, Katinka, and an other time with my friend Charlotte. I watched some movies with Katinka, and Charlotte and I watched Sherlock. We had PTA's that evening and Charlotte couldn't take the train back to where she lives due to money and all, and if I hadn't invited her to stay with me until we had to go she would have had to walk downtown for almost 3 hours. So I invited her over and we watched Sherlock, episode 1: The Pink Lady.
Talking about Sherlock: Season 3 coming up in 4 days! I am just, inner fangirl overload. I started watching an other series too: Marvel Agents of SHIELD, and it's pretty cool. There's this team called FitzSimmons, Leo Fits and Jemma Simmons, who are pretty fancy nerds. There were moments that I thought "Just kiss already!". I didn't just think it, I blurted it out in the presence of my mom and sister who gave me awkward stares. Then there's also The Blacklist; a very good series on a criminal guy who starts working with the CSI, but he will only talk to this girl. It gives a lot of questions as to Reddington's true identify. Raymond Reddington is the criminal guy.
I feel like I should do something useful with my time, but the hours just fly by as I sit on my bum doing unproductive bull crap. My Computer Science teacher, Mr Elsenaar, who is also the brother of my ex boyfriend Bart Bas, and Charlotte, gave me two books on Java, which is just so awesome. I'm way ahead of anyone in my class so after some persuasion he gave me awesome beginner books that weigh a ton. Love it. Now, if only I could find the time to actually read through them. I'm currently at page 1, go me!
My Physics teacher, Mr Endert, lend me a book on some fancy every day physics questions. I'm currently a few pages in and it's pretty interesting. Mr Endert looks pretty nerdy in a charming way that I can appreciate in a non romantic way since he's probably 40 years older than me, derp. I just wish his lessons weren't as boring as a donkey's dump.
I quit because no one was reading this, so this is for my reader Tyler who messaged me on Skype asking why I didn't do derp stories anymore. As Sherlock would say: "The game is back on!" This post was originally going to be some poetic nonsense about the meaning of life which you can probably tell by the first two paragraphs.
Well, that were my past few months as far as I can remember, how were yours?
- knetterzak
